parents

she brought me a case of Perrier and a case of clementines. and a few more nice things i didn't ask for. she brought a minute for a smile. eat some eggs, drink some tea, pretend that everything is okay. 'what should we get Becky for Christmas, this coffee is strong, how was the game last night Dad'.

i think he sees it in me, that i am realizing the weight of the day to day. but instead he said i looked healthy.
strange, i have never felt sicker.

it's like he knows that i finally know that this is all bullshit. he knows it too, but we smile anyway.

keep pretending, so no one asks questions.
'you are still not over it?'
..........


3 am texts, am i supposed to ignore the meaning those tiny words hold?
i crave for a night when i can pretend a little easier. let some cheap wine do it's magic, keep my head from working too well.

since when is it November, fuck this

i fell asleep in the afternoon yesterday, woke up and it was dark, woke up and the clocks were off by an hour, barely waking up, sore throat.

going to bed at sunrise, then 'what are you plans for the day'
wearing some other girl's coat home and eating an egg salad sandwich.