Saturday, January 31, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
hovering, like an angel
tonight i ate a piece of cake out of the trash. but i know who took the bite.
and now i'm watching Tina Turner music videos. today was rough.
and now i'm watching Tina Turner music videos. today was rough.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
open your eyes
three months left of school
six months left of toronto
one year, two months left of canada
does having a goal keep you focused, keep you distanced, keep you unattached, or keep you rooted?
do you keep your goal or does it keep you
get busy wishing, or just wake up each day exactly as is, some people seem to have the answer.
http://fiftypeopleonequestion.com/locations/4-london-uk
six months left of toronto
one year, two months left of canada
does having a goal keep you focused, keep you distanced, keep you unattached, or keep you rooted?
do you keep your goal or does it keep you
get busy wishing, or just wake up each day exactly as is, some people seem to have the answer.
http://fiftypeopleonequestion.com/locations/4-london-uk
Saturday, January 24, 2009
After Dark
the scales will always be tipped, because memory is stronger than reality it seems.
so far i have read half of the book i bought this afternoon. i wish i was alone in my house tonight, i wish for silence and the hardest loneliness i could handle. and then to fall asleep with the lights on, the only way it seems my body wants to rest, half-lit and not really in sleep mode, i somehow shut off. it's like a sneak attack on myself, when i least expect it, my eyes can close on their own, no struggle.
last night too tired to argue, i fell asleep in his arms. lucky for both of us, with his yellow walls and the sun piercing the room, i woke with the ability to keep it all up.
i still smile when the sky is blue and i still get sad when the day is grey, that much is the same. i'm still in here, a mix of more tomorrows and so many yesterdays which i thought i had dodged from.
to feel comfort and guilt all in one blow, it's strong. i have never known a body so proportionately muscular, with purpose, skin so sweet. too sweet, the whole thing, maybe just simple enough to keep the guilt at bay though. i am comfortable because i am just easy as pie. now it is me holding this game together.
i'm tired though, always tired so it won't be long.
so far i have read half of the book i bought this afternoon. i wish i was alone in my house tonight, i wish for silence and the hardest loneliness i could handle. and then to fall asleep with the lights on, the only way it seems my body wants to rest, half-lit and not really in sleep mode, i somehow shut off. it's like a sneak attack on myself, when i least expect it, my eyes can close on their own, no struggle.
last night too tired to argue, i fell asleep in his arms. lucky for both of us, with his yellow walls and the sun piercing the room, i woke with the ability to keep it all up.
i still smile when the sky is blue and i still get sad when the day is grey, that much is the same. i'm still in here, a mix of more tomorrows and so many yesterdays which i thought i had dodged from.
to feel comfort and guilt all in one blow, it's strong. i have never known a body so proportionately muscular, with purpose, skin so sweet. too sweet, the whole thing, maybe just simple enough to keep the guilt at bay though. i am comfortable because i am just easy as pie. now it is me holding this game together.
i'm tired though, always tired so it won't be long.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
tonight
i had this mason jar of homemade chex-mix from christmas sitting around. so tonight i sat and polished it off, while hating your guts.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
wah wah wah
i am jealous and bitter, i won't deny it. i wish i wasn't though.
and i know you would say that brings you no pleasure, but i know it would, you know damn well i would be envious.
you are not as righteous as you claim/pretend/try to be. and then by acknowleging your imperfections, you play out round 2 of How-Great-I-Am, able to recognize and accept your faulty masculine traits. woe is me, I Am Man.
of course i'm jealous, of course i continually wonder, in the same breathe, why not me/why HER?
again, the question remains, who are you lying to.
escape simply masked in new hope. yea, right.
also - dip in running = dip in my sanity. the things we grow to rely upon, never steadfast. ah the elusive athletics metaphor, just when you think something is going well it can easily be taken away, without a second to ponder.
and i know you would say that brings you no pleasure, but i know it would, you know damn well i would be envious.
you are not as righteous as you claim/pretend/try to be. and then by acknowleging your imperfections, you play out round 2 of How-Great-I-Am, able to recognize and accept your faulty masculine traits. woe is me, I Am Man.
of course i'm jealous, of course i continually wonder, in the same breathe, why not me/why HER?
again, the question remains, who are you lying to.
escape simply masked in new hope. yea, right.
also - dip in running = dip in my sanity. the things we grow to rely upon, never steadfast. ah the elusive athletics metaphor, just when you think something is going well it can easily be taken away, without a second to ponder.
The red fell so hard, it hailed
tonight was Miles Benjamin Anthony Robinson plus... hot toddies !! the bar was so cold that they started making tea. wearing 4 layers and my toque, i convinced the bartender to serve me up some earl grey and whiskey, lemon and sugar. far tastier than the famed hot-tapwater and tequila of previous cold nights. kept me belly-warm if anything, which is a good kinda warm.
his last few songs reminded me of winter walks home, and suddenly you are at your front door and you didn't even notice, either by streaming convo or merely clutching hands, but you are home and you just want to crawl into bed in your long johns, warm up, and get naked, toes and noses. yea, that old feeling.
funny where people all go to, everyone going.
his last few songs reminded me of winter walks home, and suddenly you are at your front door and you didn't even notice, either by streaming convo or merely clutching hands, but you are home and you just want to crawl into bed in your long johns, warm up, and get naked, toes and noses. yea, that old feeling.
funny where people all go to, everyone going.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
the wolves (act I and II)
an olympic athlete wants to take you out, and all you want is those holey tshirts.
maybe a free dinner ain't so bad. you know what i thought of first though, that my bed will be too small for his 6'5 body. my bed is perfect for me, maybe it should stay that way.
or just go to his house.
just keep looking at the sky, just keep looking up.
maybe a free dinner ain't so bad. you know what i thought of first though, that my bed will be too small for his 6'5 body. my bed is perfect for me, maybe it should stay that way.
or just go to his house.
just keep looking at the sky, just keep looking up.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
for auld lang syne
you bought me champagne and we drank from plastic cups on the hill in the park, that was a good night.
hello new year. goodbye old. see you never.
hello new year. goodbye old. see you never.
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